I’ve never been a morning person, but occasionally I can will myself to wake up before the sun. When I was in middle and high school I would wake up at 6am to use the computer before school because I had a time limit in the evenings for various reasons (including dial-up, punishment, and for my “own good”). I also loved to stay up to 2, 3, and 4 in the morning for no good reason.
Now? Now I’m older, maybe a little wiser, and I
like love to sleep. I have no qualms about going to bed at 9pm, even if that’s a Friday night. In fact, I actually love to wake up early in the morning on the weekends and be out with the birds. It feels weird if I’m drinking my first coffee and eating breakfast at 11:30am. But even still, it’s a conscious effort to wake up before 9am on any day of the week.
I’ve been talking a lot about fitting running and everything else into my life. I’ve ultimately come to the realization that in order to do everything I want (hey – I want my cake and to eat it too!) I really need to get my butt in gear by 6am. Honestly, I shouldn’t complain about getting to run at 6am before work — so many people have to run hours before that in order to get to work on time. If I’m out the door by 6, that leaves 75 minutes before I need to get into the shower. I’d call that a decent amount of time for a workout.
There were a handful of mornings last year that I ran or taught spinning classes so I know I can get my butt out of bed. This week, I woke up Tuesday for a run at the gym before work. I was nervous I’d be late for work so I wanted to hop in the shower by 7, which was silly because I was ready to leave for work, which is only 20 minutes away, by 7:40 (and I have to be at work around 8:30)! This gives me a good time frame though; I know I need to be done running by approximately 7:20 if I’m at the gym and 7:30 if I’m at home.
But here’s my issue — running outside before work makes me nervous.
What if I go out three miles and realize I’m not going to make it home in enough time?
What I’m having an off day and I’m running slower than expected?
What if my water is not working for some reason when I come home to shower?
What if, what if, what if?
At least at the gym I can push the bright red “STOP!” button on the treadmill and call it a day when I’m ready. If I’m outside running, I need to get back home first.
Has this ever happened to me after work? No.
Have I ever once run too far and not made it back? Not exactly.
Have I ever improperly calculated how long a run will actually take me? No.
But lately I’ve been having a string of bad luck. Two weeks ago my Mom gave me my ticket to a concert which I put in my wallet. All week I thought, “I should put this on my fridge until the concert in case my wallet is stolen.” Each time I thought about it, I wasn’t at home and the thought process was basically, “I’ve never lost my wallet, that’s just silly talk.” Do you know what I did last week Thursday? Left my wallet on my desk at work overnight and came back to it missing.
And as I was writing this, I had to address my laundry. My iPhone was in my laundry basket surrounded by clothes. I put my basket on the floor, tipped it on the short side so the clothes could go onto my floor to fold and put away, and my phone hit my carpet and skid a few inches. It’s now showing vertical white lines and unresponsive. Oh, and this is the phone I had to order on eBay at the end of January because I dropped my previous one when I found out my best friend was pregnant and cracked the screen. Really? Thankfully, over the weekend when I thought “I should get rid of this cracked screen phone!” I didn’t.
Among other things that have come up too in my personal life, luck has not been much on my side lately. But on the other hand, my luck has been really awesome as far as great opportunities arising and awesome training this week. You just have to roll with the punches. After listening to me whine about the bad things happening, J said “I love you though so that’s a good thing,” and it put a lot into perspective. Spending money on things I don’t want to spend money on sucks. Being klutzy with my phone and wallet sucks. But as long as I have my family, friends, and him — what more do I need?
So after that slight (okay, massive) derailment of a topic on running hopefully you kind of get the fear. Until I get comfortable with doing things before work, I think my only option is to run a 2 or so mile loop around my apartment. Running far still makes me nervous with my return to running (it never has before!) and I’ll eventually get over it, one run at a time. I can’t wait to get into a habit and get my evenings back — whether that leaves time for doubles in an effort to break up longer runs and give my legs a break, more CrossFit, or simply home cooked meals with my man — I need it to keep me sane and have the best of both worlds.