I’m over it.
I’m over the fear of lacing up because something might hurt. I’m over the nights and mornings spent at physical therapy, wondering what else I can do. I’m sick of starting a run in pain and hoping it might go away. I’m tired of putting all this time and effort into icing, compressing, foam rolling, R8ing, self massaging, and most of all time off. I’m sick of having expectations for recovery, lowering them, and then still not feeling like I’m making strides.
I don’t know know it is physically possible to be injured for this long without a break or fracture, or needing surgery. I’m pretty sure people recover faster from any of those things than I am from poor running form, weak hip flexors, and now tendonitis.
Maybe it’s the fact that it’s the beginning of March and we just got another 3″ of snow in Buffalo when the snow it typically melting that’s put me in such a funk, or maybe everything has caught up to me (again), but I’ve never felt so off. It’s hard to see the end of the tunnel when you feel like you keep getting knocked down — one step forward, two steps back.
Things felt great for a few weeks, progress was being made and I wasn’t sore during my runs. Then something happened the week before the race. I was easy on myself as far as running. I cycled and taught more body sculpt classes rather than running; we had a recovery day in physical therapy. None of that mattered because my ankle was sore all week for no reasons that I can find. I know running a half marathon did not help my case, even if it were approved by Chris, but with how quickly the rest of me recovered I didn’t expect my ankle to still feel this way.
I miss running. I miss how happy it makes me. I’m not even motivated to try because I don’t want to be disappointed. I’ve spent this week sheltered in my apartment being miserable and it’s not me. I won’t be surprised if I stand up and find a permanent butt spot on my couch and everything I could possibly need it within an arms reach… I’ve become quite pathetic. Cooking food? If you count cheese and crackers. Cleaning my apartment? If you count putting the dirty cup into the sink. I’ve wrapped myself deep into Hulu Plus marathons of TV shows (currently Scandal) because getting sucked into somebody’s fake life on TV is better than consciously wallowing.
I guess my options are to stop running, find something else to occupy my time with, or keep pressing on because it’s bound to get better.
Well, back to Scandal.